When the rain still scares you: Nena's anxiety after the typhoon

Nena has run a sari-sari store from the front of her house in Marikina for fifteen years. She knows the river. Everyone on her street does. When the siren sounds and the water level climbs, you move things upstairs.

That night it climbed faster than anyone expected. By two in the morning the water was at her knees inside the house. By four it was at the second step of the stairs. She sat on the top step with her two kids, Jopet and Aira, and a flashlight, listening to the store's shelves knock against each other below.

They were safe. The water went down in two days. With help from neighbors and their church, they shoveled the mud out, threw away what was ruined and reopened the store a month later.

Everyone said she was lucky, and she believed it. So she didn't understand why, months later, the sound of rain on the roof could make her hands shake.

Everyone said she was lucky, and she believed it.

Whenever dark clouds rolled in, Nena's chest tightened. During heavy rain she couldn't sit still. She checked the river level on her phone every ten minutes, all night. She kept bags packed by the door, even in the dry season.

Her body was still on alert from that night. That can happen after something frightening, especially something that could happen again. The fear reacts to the sound of rain the way it reacted to the water on the stairs.

The kids felt it too. Aira, who was nine, started sleeping in Nena's bed whenever it rained. Jopet, thirteen, got angry and wouldn't talk about it. Nena felt guilty. She was supposed to be the calm one.

She also felt she had no right to be shaken. Some families on her street had lost much more. "Buti nga kami, buhay," she kept saying, and she pushed the fear down. It came back with every storm warning.

The first thing that helped was a plan. Her kumare, Ate Lorna, sat down with her and wrote out exactly what they would do if the water rose again: when to move things up, where to go, who to call, what goes in the go-bag. They stuck the list on the refrigerator. When it rained, Nena could look at it and know she was ready.

The second was a limit on checking. During a storm she checked the river level once an hour and left the phone in the kitchen in between. The first night was hard. By the third storm it was easier.

The third was breathing with the kids. When the rain got loud, the three of them sat together and breathed in for 4 and out for 6, counting out loud. Aira liked to count. Jopet rolled his eyes, then did it anyway.

She let the kids talk about that night. At dinner she asked, "Ano yung pinaka-naaalala ninyo?" Aira remembered the flashlight. Jopet remembered being afraid his mother would get hurt. Nena told them she had been scared too, and that they had gotten through it together. Saying it out loud made it smaller for all three of them.

Saying it out loud made it smaller for all three of them.

Their pastor came by and prayed with them before the next typhoon season. Isaiah 41:10 went up on the wall by the stairs, at the exact step where the water stopped.

When the fear was still strong after a few months, Nena talked to the doctor at the health center. The doctor said what she felt was common after a disaster and connected her with a counselor, who helped her and Jopet both.

If you have been through a flood, a typhoon or an earthquake, it makes sense that your body reacts when the sky turns dark. Your fear is trying to keep you safe. It hasn't caught up yet with the fact that today is a different day.

Start with what you can control. Write a family plan and put it where everyone can see it. Pack the go-bag once and let it be. Set times to check the news during a storm. Breathe in for 4 and out for 6, together with your kids if they are scared too.

If the fear stays strong for weeks after a disaster, if you can't sleep, keep reliving that night or avoid going out when it rains, talk to a doctor or counselor. That is a normal next step, and it helps children as well as adults.

If you want help today, HopeBegins is free. Pick how you feel and you get one small thing to try today, calming tools, someone to pray for you, and an e-coach you can message on Messenger. How to calm anxiety has a breathing exercise you can do as a family when the rain gets loud.