Debt stress: Ramon's fear of every text message

Ramon drove a jeepney in Quezon City on the Cubao route. He was up at four to start his trips early. In recent months he had a new fear, heavier than EDSA traffic: his phone.

It started small. Money ran short when their youngest got sick, so he borrowed from an online lending app. When he couldn't pay on time, he borrowed from another app to pay the first. Then from his kumpare. Then from a 5-6 lender at the palengke.

He hadn't wasted any of it. Medicine, the electric bill, his eldest's tuition. Every loan had a reason, and every reason mattered.

By September, every buzz of the phone while he drove felt like a punch to the chest. "Paalala: overdue na po ang inyong account." Sometimes the lenders even called people he knew.

By September, every buzz of the phone while he drove felt like a punch to the chest.

He told no one, not even Lorna, his wife. Every night he handed over the day's earnings as if all was normal, even though it was short because he was secretly paying installments. "Matumal lang ngayon," he said.

For Ramon, every peso of debt came with shame. He was the head of the family, and he felt he had failed as its provider.

Because he hid it, he carried everything alone. He couldn't sleep. The back of his neck ached. He was short-tempered with his kids. While driving, the numbers kept looping in his head, and once he nearly ran a red light.

His body felt it too. He was tired before his first trip of the day. He lost his appetite, and whenever a passenger paid with a five-hundred-peso bill, his first thought was which debt it would go to.

Borrowing to pay other loans is like digging a new hole to fill an old one. It only gets deeper. And every new loan brings a new fear.

Heaviest of all, he felt he had no one to turn to. "Problema ko 'to," he told himself. "Ako ang may kasalanan, ako ang aayos."

One night Lorna read a text on his phone. There was nothing left to hide. They sat in the kitchen after the kids were asleep, and Ramon told her everything. He expected her to be angry. She was, a little. Then she took his hand: "Bakit mo pinasan nang mag-isa? Mag-asawa tayo."

Bakit mo pinasan nang mag-isa? Mag-asawa tayo.

The next day they got a notebook. They listed every debt: who, how much, when it was due, and how much interest. It was frightening to see. For the first time they saw the whole picture, and it turned out to have an end.

They also looked at which debts had the highest interest and which lenders called the most. That was where they started. They couldn't handle everything at once, so they agreed on which ones to deal with each week.

One by one they talked to the lenders. Ramon called his kumpare and asked for more time. They worked out payment plans with others that fit his earnings. Some said no, and most said yes. The two of them also made a decision: no more new loans to pay old ones.

One app kept sending threatening texts. Ramon stopped answering the abusive calls. He paid according to what was agreed, and he and Lorna read the messages together, so neither of them faced the fear alone.

They changed spending at home too. Packed baon instead of eating out, and an old biscuit tin for savings, even just twenty pesos a day.

Ramon also told the other drivers at the terminal. He thought they would laugh at him. Two of them admitted they owed money on lending apps too. Since then, they check on each other while waiting for passengers.

And he prayed, inside the jeep, before each trip. 1 Peter 5:7 became his prayer: every morning he handed his worries over to God. They still have debts today, and Ramon carries them more lightly. He sleeps through the night, and he no longer jumps at every buzz.

If you are reading this with texts you can't bring yourself to open, take a breath first. Many Filipinos carry debt, and there is a way to face it one step at a time.

Today, tell one person you trust. Then list every debt you have on a sheet of paper. A problem is easier to face when you can see all of it. If you have a spouse or someone you live with, bring them in. The load is lighter when two or three of you are holding it.

If you haven't slept well for weeks, you feel anxious all the time, or it feels hopeless, talk to a doctor or counselor. That is a normal step, and it can help you think more clearly.

If you want somewhere to start today, HopeBegins is free. Pick how you feel and you get one small thing to try today, calming tools for the worry, someone to pray for you, and an e-coach you can message on Messenger. If you feel anxious right now, try How to calm anxiety.