The reunion Liza almost skipped: small steps for social anxiety

The message came on a Monday: "Reunion sa Saturday! 6 p.m., sa balay ni Ton." Twelve people from Liza's high school barkada in Bacolod, all together for the first time since graduation.

Everyone replied with stickers. Liza typed "G!" and felt her stomach drop. For the rest of the week she rehearsed. What would she say when they asked about work? She was still job hunting. What if she laughed at the wrong moment? What if nobody talked to her?

On Saturday she changed outfits three times. At 5:45 she was standing outside Ton's gate in the rain, umbrella in one hand, phone in the other, heart pounding. She typed: "Sorry guys, sumama pakiramdam ko." Her thumb hovered over send.

This had happened before. She had left parties early, skipped a cousin's debut and avoided the office tour after a job interview. Afterwards she always felt relieved for an hour and lonely for a week.

Afterwards she always felt relieved for an hour and lonely for a week.

"Ang KJ mo naman," her titas teased at family parties. Liza laughed along. Inside, she wished someone understood how scared she really was.

Social anxiety goes further than shyness. It is a strong fear of being judged, watched or embarrassed, strong enough that you start avoiding the things you actually want to do.

For Liza the fear started days before the event. She played out every possible conversation in her head, and in most of them she embarrassed herself. Her body joined in: a racing heart, a hot face, a tight throat.

Avoiding it worked in the short term. Cancelling made the fear drop right away. The catch was that her mind learned "that was dangerous, good thing we escaped", so the next invitation felt even scarier.

She also watched herself constantly. While others talked, she was busy checking her own face, her voice, her hands. That made it hard to really listen, which made conversations feel even more awkward.

Being called shy or KJ made it harder to talk about. Liza assumed it was simply her personality, something she would always have to put up with.

Standing at the gate, Liza did something her ate had taught her. She deleted the text, put the phone in her pocket and breathed: in for 4, out for 6, five times. Her heart was still pounding. She went in anyway.

Her heart was still pounding. She went in anyway.

She gave herself a small, clear goal: stay one hour and talk to two people. After that she was free to leave. Knowing she had an exit made the door easier to walk through.

She found a job to do. She helped Ton's mom set out the pancit and the barbecue. Having something in her hands gave her attention somewhere to go, and people came to her.

She told one friend the truth. She pulled aside Mae, her seatmate since Grade 7, and admitted, "Kinabahan talaga ako pumasok." Mae laughed kindly. "Ako rin! Kaya nga ako nakadikit sa pagkain." After that they kept an eye on each other all night.

She turned her focus outward. She got curious about her friends. "Uy, kumusta ang board review?" "Saan ka na nagwo-work?" Asking questions took the spotlight off her, and people loved being asked.

She stayed three hours. On the jeepney home she noticed the fear had shrunk. She still replayed a few awkward moments that night. She also remembered the laughing.

Over the next months she kept practising with small things: ordering at a counter, asking a question in an interview, saying hi first. She saw a counselor in town who helped her with the endless rehearsing. Before hard days she prayed with John 14:27 in mind and asked for peace for the next hour, nothing more.

If you rehearse conversations, dread gatherings or cancel at the last minute, you are dealing with something real, and it can get better with practice.

Social anxiety is common, and many people learn to manage it well with practice and support.

Start smaller than you think. One short visit with a clear exit time. One question you ask someone else. Each time you stay, your mind learns the room was safer than it feared.

If the fear keeps you from working, studying or seeing people for more than two weeks, talk to a doctor or counselor. That is a normal next step, and help works.

If you want help getting started, HopeBegins is free. Pick how you feel and you get one small thing to try today, calming tools for the minutes before you walk in, someone to pray for you, and an e-coach you can message on Messenger. For quick ways to settle your body, see How to calm anxiety.