What do I say to a friend who is depressed?
The perfect words matter less than showing up. Listen, stay, and check in again. Here is what helps, and what to avoid.
What you can say
- “I've noticed you seem down lately. How are you, really?”
- “I'm here. Do you want to talk, or just have company?”
- “Take your time. I'm listening.”
- “Can I help with something today, like food or a ride?”
- “Would it help to talk to a counselor? I can help you find one.”
Then listen more than you talk. You can say "That sounds really hard" without trying to fix it.
What to avoid
- "Kulang ka lang sa dasal." Prayer can help, but these words make people feel blamed for being unwell.
- "Think positive" or "Snap out of it." Depression isn't a choice.
- "Others have it worse." It tells them they have no right to struggle.
- Lots of advice straight away. Listen first, and ask before you suggest.
If they talk about not wanting to live
Ask them directly: "Are you thinking of ending your life?" Asking does not put the idea in their head. It shows you are ready to listen.
Stay with them, or make sure someone is with them. Call the NCMH Crisis Hotline together: 1553, open 24/7. If they are in immediate danger, call 911.
Keep checking in
A message a few days later, like "Thinking of you. Coffee this week?", means a lot. Keep inviting them, even if they say no.
Helping someone can be heavy. Talk to someone yourself too: an e-coach can listen to you on Messenger, for free.
Common questions
Should I ask my friend if they are thinking about suicide?
Yes. Asking directly and calmly does not put the idea in their head, and talking can be a relief for them. If they say yes, stay with them and call the NCMH Crisis Hotline on 1553.
What next?
Also read: I feel depressed I feel alone